The Pros and Cons of Living on the Edge: Traveling and Dreaming part (i)

I have been on a couple of trips since my last post. I was in Europe for three weeks over February for my honeymoon, which was my wife's first time in Europe. Sounds terrific I know, but it was weird....I couldn't really enjoy myself. The thing is, I have been there a couple of times before, and the first time especially was a pivotal, life-changing event for me. I can't overstate how much that first time abroad, by myself, completely changed the way I looked at the world and altered my life forever. I know for sure, if I had never gone on that trip, my life would be something completely different right now.

I first went to Europe in the summer of 1997, after I had just graduated from university. I flew into Paris, went down to Barcelona, then along the French Riveria to Italy in the first three weeks of that trip (which lasted the whole summer). Another trip took me through all of Portugal and then western to central Spain and Madrid a couple of years later. This time it was Paris, Barcelona, Madrid, Segovia, Marseille, Nice, Monaco, Venice, Florence and Rome.

I admit it was nice to go back with money this time instead of being a dirt-poor backpacker, and it was nice to spend time alone with my wife. But because this trip was so similar to the first one, I couldn't really stop myself from reminiscing in my head obsessively about that first time in Europe. It got to the point where everywhere that I looked, I actually saw myself, 12 years younger, at the louvre, inside the colluseum, climbing the spires of the familia sangrada. I secretly wanted to stand in every spot I had stood before, take every picture that I had taken the first time, and looking back now, I don't know what to make of that. But for all that reminiscing, the only thing that I know for sure is that I didn't get a chance to appreciate my trip for what it was this time....I just ruined it for myself by thinking about what it was the last time.

Is it better to continue believing that I can get back to the happiness I once had? Is it better to give up on that and just focus on the happiness that I have now? I do have a pretty good life after all, and maybe it is downright folly to think that you could ever get back that sense of wonder and excitement from when you were younger. Or maybe it is folly to give up trying? F@#k me...I don't know the answer. I only know that internal strife like this probably makes me a better photographer...

It was surreal to see the old girl 12 years later. I'll never forget that first time.

Ahhh Versaille....Noriko and I actually watched Sophia Copola's Marie Antoinette again after visiting this place. Wasn't any better the second time either.