Fathers Day 2021

Today was a very satisfying father's day for some reason. We had plans to hike around Mt. Nemo with Pavel's boys, so we were up pretty early. Like in past years, when I woke up, the kids surprised me with a card and some gifts. I love this tradition, to be celebrated by my wife and kids (althought Noriko always does the bulf of the work...LOVE YOU NORI!!). One of the gifts was some spicy Japanese chips, another was homemade vanilla ice cream (which I love!) with the words "Love Dad" written in chocolate chips. The hike was beautiful too.  The weather was as perfect as you can ask for on a hike...sunny and warm without being to hot or humid.

After the hike we went to my parents place for dinner in the backyard with both Andrew and Chris and his family. With all the COVID lockdowns, I haven't seen Chris and Colleen and Ella since....maybe last fall? That was nice too, I just sat down and relaxed and chatted. And of course ate! You can't go to my parents house without constantly being fed. After that, we headed home and I took a lovely nap, and then I spent an hour coding our Java app with the boys. They both have a real knack for this. They have the same innate understanding of computer programming that I had when I was a kid. I really hope they develop serious programming skills in the future, regardless of whatever career path they follow. 

After this I walked around the neighbourhood to get some air. It was then that I felt this feeling of satisfaction, and as I walked I thought about why. I realized it wasn't so much related to what happened today but to what happened yesterday and the day before. During dinner we watched the movie Soul again a couple of nights ago, and the message of just appreciated the simple joy of life has been resonating with me since. Then yestrday, I spent a long while reading old emails from various friends. I think it made me remember for the first time in a long while what a treasure friends and family are. So when I lived this day today, all day I think I was just happy to be in the presence of family and friends without thinking too much about what was actually going on. I really wish every day could be like this. I hope I can continue to remind myself each day of the gift of all the beautiful souls that surround my life. 

6 years, 2 kids, and a honkin' big mortgage later

Holy fuck, this blog is still here. Given my current rate of blogging once every 5 years, I should have about 12 blog posts left, given current projections of human mortality.

It's the end of I-core as we know it, and I feel fine.

The business plan and presentation (Integrative core a.k.a. "I-core") that I have been working on for my MBA for the last 9 months *finally* came to a conclusion yesterday afternoon. My team and I were judged by a panel of people including an Ad exec, venture capitalist, investment banker etc etc. My team won in the end, but I don't care about that. What I am more concerned about is that, even though I killed myself and complained about this stupid project for the whole 9 months, even though I didn't even sleep an hour the night before the big presentation, and even though I reveled in the final catharsis after it was all done.....24 hours later, I am feeling this pinch of nostalgia now that it's all over. Wtf is that? Am I a masochist? I must be. I must be a masochist. Or I must have somehow become the kind of person who likes hard work, which I guess is the same thing as a masochist. I lament the beautiful lazy slacker that I used to be. Oh to be lazy again...

Traveling and Dreaming part (i)

I have been on a couple of trips since my last post. I was in Europe for three weeks over February for my honeymoon, which was my wife's first time in Europe. Sounds terrific I know, but it was weird....I couldn't really enjoy myself. The thing is, I have been there a couple of times before, and the first time especially was a pivotal, life-changing event for me. I can't overstate how much that first time abroad, by myself, completely changed the way I looked at the world and altered my life forever. I know for sure, if I had never gone on that trip, my life would be something completely different right now.

I first went to Europe in the summer of 1997, after I had just graduated from university. I flew into Paris, went down to Barcelona, then along the French Riveria to Italy in the first three weeks of that trip (which lasted the whole summer). Another trip took me through all of Portugal and then western to central Spain and Madrid a couple of years later. This time it was Paris, Barcelona, Madrid, Segovia, Marseille, Nice, Monaco, Venice, Florence and Rome.

I admit it was nice to go back with money this time instead of being a dirt-poor backpacker, and it was nice to spend time alone with my wife. But because this trip was so similar to the first one, I couldn't really stop myself from reminiscing in my head obsessively about that first time in Europe. It got to the point where everywhere that I looked, I actually saw myself, 12 years younger, at the louvre, inside the colluseum, climbing the spires of the familia sangrada. I secretly wanted to stand in every spot I had stood before, take every picture that I had taken the first time, and looking back now, I don't know what to make of that. But for all that reminiscing, the only thing that I know for sure is that I didn't get a chance to appreciate my trip for what it was this time....I just ruined it for myself by thinking about what it was the last time.

Is it better to continue believing that I can get back to the happiness I once had? Is it better to give up on that and just focus on the happiness that I have now? I do have a pretty good life after all, and maybe it is downright folly to think that you could ever get back that sense of wonder and excitement from when you were younger. Or maybe it is folly to give up trying? F@#k me...I don't know the answer. I only know that internal strife like this probably makes me a better photographer...

It was surreal to see the old girl 12 years later. I'll never forget that first time.

Ahhh Versaille....Noriko and I actually watched Sophia Copola's Marie Antoinette again after visiting this place. Wasn't any better the second time either.


La Ramblas, same as ever (so comforting to know that!)

Valentine's day in Madrid

Royal Palace, Madrid


Roman Aquaduct, Segovia , Spain


Free food at Carnivale in Venice


Free wine too!

Florence

Florence


Noriko wanting her Audrey Hepburn (Roman Holiday) moment at the Spanish Steps in Rome

This picture of the Trevi Fountain sums up how I felt during the entire trip

Crush with Eyeliner

I AM SMITTEN. I can not stop watching this effing video. Wtf is wrong with me? I am currently writing a strategy paper and have looped through this video maybe 100 or 200 times?

So it looks like I am finally going to get my life back after two years of tokyo sweat-shop consulting hell. I just finished my last project a couple of days ago, and it's looking like there are not going to be any more coming my way for what could be months. Seriously I never thought in my life I would have to work so hard at anything, money be damned. Everything you've heard about crazy Japanese office workers dropping dead after working 5000 hours straight is totally true. Seriously, it took the worst economic crisis in modern history for my work to finally slow down, and not a moment too soon.

I feel like I've turned a corner here. Finally, Noriko and I are going on our Honeymoon starting this Monday. A honeymoon that we were supposed to take in December but that I had to postpone because of a huge massive ungodly project that forced me to work 17 hours a day every day from mid-December to mid-January (I'll leave it to you to count all of the holidays that I had to work on). But now, 3 weeks of sweet sweet freedom in Europe. God I am so happy, I haven't been to Europe in over a decade! Freedom! So to celebrate my new found freedom, I decided to ride a Korean man around Shibuya till the early hours of the morning last week. You think I am kidding, I know you are. But you know what?

I don't kid, bitches.

It's getting cold in Tokyo

I have been in Japan waaaaaaaay to long. Today while walking to work, I was looking down at my phone, reading text messages like most other Japanese. Suddenly, I heard this wild honking from a car and I looked up, and found that I was in the middle of a busy street that I had just jay-walked my way into, and I bolted to the other side of the street before having my head dashed apart. Crazy.

Blogging is tough when you have so damn much to talk about that you just don't know where to begin. I think that's the reason I stopped for so long. But I have to talk about my wedding. I have never been a big fan of weddings. Call me cynical if you want (I prefer pragmatic), but I have always felt that weddings were mostly a formality....a necessary evil that requires a lot of time and effort and resources that might be better spent towards buying a house, raising a family etc etc. And so when it came my turn on November 1st 2008, I expected nothing but a big fat chore and a big fat bill at the end of it. What I got instead was a big fat revelation...people were there to celebrate us. They were actually, genuinely happy for us. I was unprepared for the outpouring of love and support that came from every direction....literally from every time and place that I have ever existed...messages from all over the world wishing me well, from people I haven't seen and haven't been in touch with in decades.

I remember when I first started studying photography around 8 years ago. I bought a book at Chapters, and one of the first things I read was that the lense looks both ways; a photograph says as much about the person taking it as it does about the subject. That means that, when you take a picture of something, what you are really recording is your feelings towards that thing. So a phtotograph is a reflection of yourself and your feelings. I was thinking about this while being bombarded by all of this love and happiness at my wedding. Is this love also a reflection of the love we have shown to others over the years? Have we really touched the lives of so many people? At that moment, I became overwhelmed with emotion and had to shut it all down. I am a guy, after all, and it's not in my nature to cry, especially in front of other people and ESPECIALLY at my own wedding. But I can tell you for sure I became a little less cynical that day.

The wedding ended with people picking Noriko and I up and throwing us in the air and yelling "万歳!!!!!!" several times, with My Bloody Valentine's "Sometimes" playing in the background. It was melancholy and surreal and f#$king awesome... best wedding EVER.

WTF???!

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!! Why am I writing this blog again after all this time when I have an information systems final due in two days?????? What's my wife gonna think? God damn you web 2.0!!!!!